hangover remedies.
everybody's got one, and everybody swears that theirs works. even me.
i'm not a big drinker anymore, and anybody who knows me can attest to the truth in that. in my - ahem - younger days, i could tie one on like nobody's business, and i made it a personal challenge to be able to drink anybody else under the table. thank goodness that age does in fact, sometimes come with wisdom.
nonetheless, i have had more than my fair share of hangovers. my first real hangover followed a night of drinking with sara while her dad was out of town, then trying to just stay alive during the hallelujah chorus at chuch the next morning. i wish i'd had a remedy then. i wish i'd learned my lesson then. i didn't. more accurately, i was honing my hangover craft.
i view a hangover in much the same way as i view the common cold; there's no real cure for it. (with, of course, the exception being to abstain from alcohol consumption. whatever!) however, like the common cold, there are ways of easing its discomfort.
no, i haven't been drinking this weekend. i shared a single beer with my aunt last weekend. that's more than i've imbibed in months. this posting is not the result of a recent hangover.
i have a friend on flickr, tara, who posted a photo this weekend of a breakfast she calls "the morning after breakfast", meant to be eaten after a night of hard drinking:
photo copyright diastema 2006
about the photo, she writes:
I'll open a little restaurant. And when I do, this exact meal will be on the menu, and it'll be called "The Morning After Breakfast".
Sliced avocado, 5 strips of bacon, 2 eggs over hard, rye toast with a scandalous amount of butter, black coffee, ice cold cherries and fresh-squeezed orange-grapefruit juice. And of course, garnished with Tabasco and aspirin.
It'll be priced on a sliding scale, based on how hungover you are. Not only will it make you feel better, by the time you're done you'll be convinced that all the stupid stuff you did the night before really wasn't that stupid.
In a little bit, I'll be working on another dish called "The Hair of the Dog Lunch". And after that comes the "I Really Should Know Better Dinner".
of course, this photo and its narrative spawned dozens of home-crafted, tried and true hangover remedies. including mine. i'll get to mine in a moment.
i've heard some horrendous hangover home remedies, most of which i would not only NOT TRY, i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy at a time as delicate as a hangover.
some untried, unsavory hangover remedies:
sauerkraut juice: meant to be taken right out of the sauerkraut jar the morning after.
raw cabbage: meant to be eaten raw to dissapate a headache. no thanks, i'll go with tylenol.
raw eggs: meant to be drunk 2-3 at a time to break down hangover-causing toxins. GROSS.
burnt toast with vegemite: the burnt toast i can live with, but have you TRIED vegemite?
and finally,
hair of the dog that bit ya: no thank you. i learned my lesson, again, and can't stomach any more alcohol.
i will freely admit that i have never tried any of the above hangover remedies, and there's very little chance no chance that i'll ever resort to using any of them, no matter how hungover i might be.
in the spirit of the "everybody's got one" attitude i'm celebrating with this post, i promised i'd include my tried & true remedy for hangovers.
get thee behind me, satan
1 single-serving size can tomato juice
1 lunch-sized bag of fritos
1 fresh banana
4 bottles of water
consume in this order, one at a time.
that's all. the reason behind each ingredient in this breakfast of champions is this: you've lost blood sugar, sodium, potassium, fatty acids, and vitamins, not to mention hydration.
the tomato juice provides hangover-toxin-fighting acids, as well as vitamins and fructose to normalize your blood sugar and help your body metabolize the alcohol.
the fritos deliver a quick burst of fatty acids & oils that your dehydrated, drunken body is lacking, and can actually help you feel less stiff and achy, pretty quickly. there's also a healthy dose of salt in each bag (especially if you split it open and lick it clean, like i do.) replenishing the body of much needed sodium. who says empty calories are bad for you?
the banana is like a shot of fructose, vitamin c, protein & carbohydrates and a whopping 350mg of potassium, which will help in the conversion from "living dead" to "living", and pretty quickly.
the water, if it needs explaining, is simply for hydration, and it's not really an optional ingredient. the water will not only hydrate your cellular structure, but will also cause you to pee. a lot. this will help to flush the alcohol out of your system. all four bottles. all four. just drink it. every drop.
i can vouch for the effectiveness of my little remedy from first-hand experience. i don't remember which hangover spawned the creation of this Rx, but i remember having read something about replenishing nutrients depleted after a night of drinking; the depletion of these nutrients is what makes a hangover mock the flu so closely.
i swear it works.
however... one of my less intelligent aquaintences years ago called me and asked me for the "recipe". she was a mess and had gotten sloppy drunk the night before. i think she was STILL drunk when she called me that morning.
the next day at work she was cussing me, telling me that my hangover remedy was the most disgusting thing she's even had and that not only did it NOT work for her, she thought i had made it up as a joke to make her vomit. i was horrible and insensitive for suggesting that to someone as "sick" as she had been.
i told her i was sorry, and that it might not be the most pleasant breakfast, but when eaten slowly, then washed down with at least 2 of the bottles of water, it's usually effective. again, sorry.
"eaten?" she said, clearly puzzled.
"yes," i said, equally puzzled. "eaten."
"oh." she said, sheepishly. "i put it all in the blender."
what's your hangover remedy?
