howdy, folks!

it's nearly that time of year again, a time when east dallas becomes a mecca for texans all over the country and the dallas skyline includes one of the most graceful, impressive sights i've ever seen: the texas star, which can be seen clearly on google maps, it's so big. when i lived in dallas for many years, my drive home included a stretch on i-30 right past fair park, giving me a clear, close-up view of the texas star, especially lovely when lit up during the fair, but equally as impressive when abandoned. i'm sad to say i've never ridden the texas star; my fear of hights has successfully kept me from boarding her (and many other ferris wheels) for 35 years now, but i'm just as content getting to take in all of her beauty from safely on the ground. another uncommon sight that the state fair brings to fair-goers: big tex. sure, he's the creepiest cowboy you'll ever see, and his voice still sends chills up and down my spine. but he's part of my blood darn it, and he's actually a part of my family. my great grandparent's backyard in oak cliff used to be one of the many storage locations for big tex throughout dallas. they stored his head in their back yard. talk about creepy. i didn't learn this until about 5 years ago. prorobably a good thing as i can see how this might have been just the nightmare fuel that would have sent me right over the edge as a child.

the state fair of texas runs from september 29 until october 22 this year, and you can bet i'll be in attendance to consume as much state fair food as is humanly possible if for no other reason. really, is there any other reason? i don't care about cars or livestock or the midway or football; the only reason i need to go to the texas state fair, ever, is the food.

much has been said, especially lately, about the food offerings at state fairs all over the country. state fair offerings are too high in fat. they're too high in sugar. they're all deep fried. they're nothing but empty calories.

to this i say "duh."

state fair food isn't meant to be a five star dining experience, and it sure as hell isn't supposed to be the sort of thing you can order from a menu at your local hippie-operated-macrobiotic-vegan-tofu-sprout-wheatgrass-juice-tea house. no way, man. this stuff is supposed to cause you to be lightheaded with high blood sugar. this stuff is supposed to make you hear your arteries slamming shut. this stuff is supposed to make you wish you'd taken out a larger life insurance policy. this stuff routinely makes me want to pray the rosary. in short, this stuff is awesome.

awesome and BAD for you, i won't neglect to admit. still, where's the fun in eating nothing but salad greens and steamed veggies and poultry with no crispy-fried skin? even if you do eat this healthy sort of fare every day as a routine (i certainly don't), one day of gastronomical debauchery won't kill you.

hopefully.

if it does, you'll have died with a huge, greasy smile across your powdered-sugar covered face.

in recent years there has been an influx of deep-fried food-on-a-stick at state fairs nationwide. well folks, i'm here to tell ya, mr. fletcher invented the quintessential food-on-a-stick fair fare in texas some 60+ years ago with fletcher's corny dogs. anything other than fletcher's is just a substandard hotdog on a stick. as a matter of fact, anything other than fletcher's is just a regular old corn dog. fletcher's is the only corny dog; they trademarked the name "corny dog". you can usually tell a transplant in texas; they're the ones that ask for a corn dog. bless their hearts.

the food-on-a-stick offered at state fairs is a wide array of stabbed, battered, sugared and syrup'd foods that probably should have never made their way into a vat of hot fat. still somehow, thanks to some hungry entepreneur with too much time to kill, these delicious little morsels do make their way into the fryer, and usually with delicious results.

this is not for the faint of heart. if you're currently enjoying a low-fat diet, i encourage you to stop reading here as the mere sight of some of these deep-fried delights can cause weight gain by sheer osmosis.

• the corny dog - meant to be eaten slathered with yellow mustard and hot out of the fryer. some people put ketchup on a corny dog, but i view this as some sort of abberation, an abomination of sorts. if you're going to paint the peacock, it's gotta be mustard.
  
• the fried oreo - you read that right, it's a fried double-stuff oreo, battered, deep fried, then sprinkled with powdered sugar. not usually served on a stick, but served more as a deep-fried oreo patty, if you will.
  
• frozen pie on a stick - frozen slices of key lime, lemon icebox pie, cheesecake, even chocolate pie on a stick, dipped in chocolate several times and re-frozen. this is so much better than ice cream i can't even begin to explain what frozen pie does to me. especially lemon icebox pie...
  
• fried gator bites - another treat not offered on a stick, and lo and behold - no powdered sugar, either! this might even have something like omega 6 fatty acids if someone looked closely enough, but the fact that they're deep fried probably puts the kibosh on anything good-for-you about them. who cares - they're delicious. if you've never had deep fried gator, you gotta try it at least once.
  
  
• the fried snickers bar - it's a snicker's bar, battered, deep fried, and dusted with powdered sugar (probably just to cut the sweetness). nothing that really needs explaning, except maybe "why?". then again, who cares. i've had one, and i'm here to preach the gospel, brothers and sisters.
  
  
• deep fried strawberries - these ought to be outlawed. HUGE strawberries are battered, deep fried, sprinkled with powdered sugar and served with whipped cream, chocolate sauce, and what else: strawberries. usually in some sort of sundae-topping-compote-concoction. this is one of those items that makes me believe that everything would be better battered and deep fried. probably the most unhealthy way to consume vitamin c.
  
  
• roasted corn - okay. sounds reasonably healthy, right? whoa, back off there, skippy. it was reasonably healthy until it was slathered in butter, sour cream, salt & paprika.  after all that stuff was piled on, it went from reasonably healthy to unbelievably delicious in 2.4 seconds.
  
  
• roasted turkey legs - huge, mammoth turkey legs (seriously huge, like "where the hell did these jurassic turkeys come from?" huge) slow roasted and basted over some sort of a spit or rotisserie - reasonably healthy if not for the fact that skins are left on. well of course the skin is left on; the skin is the BEST PART. it's all crunchy and delicious. so it adds an extra 1600 calories or something. don't want yours? fine. give it to me.
  
  

and the pièce de résistance,

• the deep fried twinkie - yes, hostess snack cake connoisseurs, the twinkie is now available to you enrobed in delicious sweetened batter, plunged into boiling hot fat until a crisp, golden brown, angelically dusted with powdered sugar, then served drizzled with or, if your tastes prefer, doused in chocolate or raspberry syrup. or both.
  
  

personally, i decline the syrup as it seems a bit like overkill, what with the DEEP FRIED TWINKIE i'm already holding and ready to devour. and yes, the creamy center stays creamy. my greatest deep-fried twinkie fear was that the creamy center would melt into a puddle of molten crisco and castor sugar... (i say this because i have microwaved both twinkies and ding dongs in an attempt to see what would happen to their miraculous middles when heated, but that was a long time ago, when i was, like, 32.) but not so. perfectly creamy and twinkie-licious, as it should be. i don't know how they keep it from melting: do they freeze the twinkie before it's deep fried? is it magic? i don't know. i don't care either. i just love me some deep fried twinkie, and that is all.

ah, this time of year holds so much magick for me; falling leaves, the crisp hint of a chill in the air, the scent of boiling animal fat mingling with batter, and sweat pants 2 sizes too big to accomodate the expansion in my waist from consuming food sold by shady people that can pack up in the middle of the night and never be heard from again.

i love the fair.

UPDATE - lisa at homesick texan also blogged about the texas state fair today... TOTALLY WEIRD and wonderful. she's an ex-pat texan living in NYC and apparently, hankerin' for a texas state fair corny dog... check out her blog "a state of fairs"!

photos by wesley treat for texas twist, "big tex" by carolyn brown, and flickr photo by unknown - "apicture"

Comments

[Lisa (Homesick Texan)]

My, my what an AMAZING post. I'll have to update mine with a link to this--the quintessential guide to Texas State Fair foods! (I feel so Yankee-fied, but do we really say CORNY dog? Hmmm, I guess we do. How could I forget this?!)

BTW, what are your Oak Cliff roots? I've got them on both sides (my parents were high-school sweethearts).

[melissa mcgee]

awww! high school sweethearts... that makes me smile. my grandmother's parents moved the family from electra to dallas sometime when my grandmother was a young teenager. beyond that, i really don't *know* - which makes me want to call my grandmother and find out! i will report back as soon as i know!

(and just to clarify, i do forget sometimes, myself, and catch myself calling it a "corn" dog. but i like to be all high & mighty when i'm preaching the gospel of texas, you know...)

[Heidi]

Ahh, I can't wait to get me one of them corny dogs and turkey legs. My other State Fair favorite is a tater twister - made with a contraption of potato on stick and electric drill. ;)

AND I happen to know where Electra is - having spent some of my growing up years in Henrietta/Wichita Falls.

[melissa mcgee]

hehe a tater twister! i think - no, i'm reasonably certain - that i've actually had one of those a few years ago, but at the central texas state fair in belton, texas... and i totally get the part about the electric drill!!!

cool that you know about electra - i don't find many people who have heard of it before.

[The County Clerk]

Good gawd. You have out done yourself. This should be a permanent websage on Stae Fair site.